This is not a mid life crisis.
When I was a little girl I dreamed of being many things- the short list: a marine biologist, a brain surgeon, an actor, a painter, a solid gold dancer – I dreamed so big- truly the real challenge I felt, as a kid, was becoming the first famous person with my namesake – it was kind of like a race in the game of human experience that kept me dreaming forward.
As I reflect back- those dreams were not mere ideas and fantasies- I see now that they were, and still remain, my evidence that the human spirit is transcendent. We are all supposed to be infinitely reaching for things beyond our perceived limited capacities.
What truly happens to most of us? Don’t we all at some point end up succumbing to some one else’s belief that we are simply children, manifesting impossible ambitions with our little minds? At what age do we stop believing in accomplishing the impossible? When did you stop believing you could fly? Does any one care to share the memory of losing faith in Santa Claus? or the Tooth fairy? Or Faeries or the magic of the natural world?
My theory is every one of us has experienced a near cataclysmic event where our belief in the magic of God or the Universe and essentially of ourselves was simply defiled by a well meaning person who felt it a duty to ensure that we were handed a healty dose of reality.
And then what? I know for many, we stopped manifesting dreams and turned to a rational way of thinking...and doing. Some of us today are professionals, at home parents, some work in offices, some work on assembly lines. Some are still searching for a niche in the world. Some are highly functioning individuals who on the outset are incredibly successful within their definition of success - but dying inside as the potential of their spirit is kept in check by a manmade bitterness that rationalized away a dream with the word impossible.
The latter is where I have been defining myself - to my own detriment.
My journey as an adult now begins with a reflection to when I believed I could fly. The discipline begins with slow and steady moving forward -with enough courage to actually leap in faith in order to experience the joy of my true portential as a human being. This is where I really want to say "F*#@ the ( insert your angry here: i.e. office, institution, politics, the Boss) !"
Am I creating joy? Or am I creating fear? I am a part of an institutional machine or am I able to redefine myself based on my own beliefs? More importantly, as an adult, am I livng my potential and shining my light to empower others to do the same? Am I able to make work meaningful - and make meaningful work? Aye, there's the rub. Do I want to be the person who is creating infintie possiblity in my world of business, home and personal life? Do I beilieve that what makes my heart happiest will ulitmately make me successful?
Am I young David of the Old jewish Testament or am I falling into the trap where I am the Goliath ? - Great was that fall.
I choose to believe. I quit my day job.
