Trying to tell you a love story

I can't describe in language this feeling, 

no, this sense of being. 

Humor me and forgive me for trying.
I'm going to make up words and write a picture that perhaps only I can see

There is this completedness
An understanding of myself when you look into me, when you see me

I conquer my fear and I see you right back.

You give me the courage to make the long journey into myself...and back again. No fear of losing you in the process. 

Moving into you and still within my own rhythm.When we dance time and energy expand

And as our universe is created and challenged
By the very nature of our life force...
There is still equilibrium.

And there is time...with equal desire and distance that draws us in and sets us free. I've never been so ready to jump. So on the edge for you and yet so at ease. Its been a year of learning to trust my wings. 

There is only this commonplace phrase:

I love you

Words ...just simple words
But inside, this heart of mine is as torrential as a meteor show in August. 

No, it's like a volcano erupting
when I feel those words

...I guess I'm just hot for you ;)

Wisdom and her cousins.

I asked for wisdom, and She made me wait. 

So I called upon Patience and she told me to be quiet.

And my noisy mind kept talking me out of a silent resolve...

So Spirit stepped in and said be still.

But my heart races too fast and I am always forging ahead...

So Wisdom, Patience and Spirit observed my hasty rebellion and offered nothing but Burnout as advice. 

And in the end...when strength fails, i cried out to God and Soul comes to minister to my weary heart. This is where I meet Spirit and practice stillness. 

In my stillness, I am finding the courage to wait..to trust.  And it's peaceful.

And in the peace of patience, my heart communes with God, and I am looking back at Wisdom's imprint on my Spirit.

The Fatigue of the Adventurer...or Lost and found

I'm so lost I didn't realize I was where I can't see God

I'm getting so tired of operating on blind faith, but keep putting one foot in front of the other; walking boldly forward.

My heart is getting tired and I'm starting to fumble and grope for the wall.

Maybe I'm just looking to be fenced in a little bit or at least feel more than a vision of hope guiding me.

I think it's that time again on my spiritual journey where I need God to hit me with a 2 by 4...just to make a few things clear.

I just a need map...I'm tired of just using my compass. 

Some days being lost is really hard after  trailblazing so long.

I've been called.

But I think i just want to be found. 

Your heart is a muscle

Breaking
Beating
Hoping

Healing
Feeling
Racing

Yearning
Loving
Expanding

Your heart is a muscle, my Love
I can only promise to make it stronger ;)

Lazarus

When something tangible and true dies...when the ship that you thought was coming in,  crashes and sinks in the port...

...when something so concrete, so vested, so vital dies, can you trust that there truly is such a thing as resurrection ?

Nature shows me life is truly undefeatable.
Fire makes forests.  Roots cut through rock.  Water will make its way through stone. And earth will cover stone with lichen and so on...

Life dies not die. Things are transformed.  Resurected renewed. 

In my faith, there are teachings and wisdom written on my heart.

I think about things like wineskins.

You can't pour new wine into old wineskins.
Can you pour out your soul only to be embodied by something that cannot contain you?

How do we create the new wineskin?
I want to know, for i am certain when we recreate our new vessel,  in fills new wine. 

Can I hold the notion that  the end of something only reconstitutes and transforms. Given the will.

I would love to walk with Lazarus. Yes, the man Jesus wept over, and resurrected after 4 days in a tomb. New wineskin? New wine?

No doubt he was a changed man. A new vessel.  The truly vital things do not die.  Nothing is impossible. 

I'm looking forward to the Lazarus effect.

Love after casualty

I won't tell you I love you so many times that the words end up dying in my mouth.

I won't allow repetition to become irrelevant.

This is an adventure without mishap. A hunger without obsession. A raison d'etre without need.  A desire without want.

It Is.  I Am. You Are. We Be.

I promise you certainty.
The way the night is always roused by the morning sun.  You found my heart in this time between magic and manifestation.

I found you in the dance of the divine.
Like the Dervish whirling his way to Love. Like the earth spinning in the dance of life. When we sit on the earth and watch the stars we  are called to the same constellation.

I promise to see you the way the world will not.  I promise you will never be a casualty of my expectations. I promised this, only after i learned from the war before...

In the peace of the morning, I will always want your Sunday kind of love.  You give me this and all of the above.

Creating the Wormhole

I often  find myself reaching out across the universe searching for none other than... myself.

It's like looking in a mirror to study my reflection. Instead I think I am trying to see the expansive and whole... Higher self

The one who is existing in the infinite.  The person on the other side of my current realty.  Perhaps the one who is the universal extension of ... earthbound me. 

So I stand in the void of my creative mind and stare inward, moving into the depths to find myself. 

Creating the wormhole is a necessary course of finding wisdom and solace. Because I know this part of me is the closest to ...God. 

Just a little faith goes along way

Fear doesn't move God...Faith does

Artemis needs her hound

Oh how I miss hikes in the woods...you,  making all the other beasts fall silent.  Will any four legged ever compare to your stature ? Will I find loyal love again?

I am searching for a new familiar...
Artemis needs her hound.

the story part 5 of ?

...if your are new to the story dear reader, please go back and read the story...

part 5 :

...yes life has loosened the Goddess

broken pieces that lined the beach
become treasures in sand castles

she stopped waiting for the Captain
and was awarded her companion  

dawn breaks, the sky - blue bird
time has opened a wormhole

from dark and stormy memories
to a modern joie de vivre

the light house; towering above
is a new nest - a beacon to paradise reclaimed

sun filters through polarized lenses
and joy is evident on sun kissed faces

the surf rouses a playful spirit
the waves brough them togeher

and in the ebb and flow 
is found a new rythmn

betrayal becomes an ancient story
and hurt becomes a myth

in a dusty novel not fit for a bookcase
but bound for a starry night fire...

love was found in letting go
healing came from the inside out

It was when the Goddess learned to ride the waves
that Love surfed in on a board through the wake 

...and the story is still being written...

I'm somewhere floating in the maelstrom waiting for the storm to cease...ebbing in and out of the elements...and when my energy surges,
 I surf between the waves of Destiny and the wake of reality...

smiling on asunday afternoon

sunday at the pier
we're watching the ships come in
soaking sun witchu

anticipation

it's where the smile begins
on the inside of an unreachable place

when the engery surges
from a deep unfathomable space

it's then my fire ignites
on the fuel of anticipatory joy
-
so happy to see you
that i feel you already ...

Nathan & Gracie are Lovers

Nathan & Gracie are Lovers

...there isn't much more to say 

but, 
if poetry & motion
were to arrive hand in hand 
at the door 

guests,
would make way 
for an eruption of fireworks
on the dance floor 

and,
if evidence & energy
were to show no shame
the guy with his girl, settle their score 

so, 
for Nathan & Gracie 
as Frank sings the best is yet to come 
they make their evening getaway 

and...there isn't much more to say

Nathan & Gracie are Lovers 

Thank you Mr #Disney....

....when your heart is in you dreams,
no request is too extreme...

...when you wish upon a star ,
as dreamers do....

Thank you Mr Disney , you made this pixie heart sing

the story part 4 of?

dawn breaks, night falls
hope is a beacon, no longer a floodlight

it cannot illuminate the sea
it's only a summons to the sailor

it does not set the course
it only holds the compass

dawn breaks, night falls
candles burn, books wax poetic

hurt hungers, love remains
faith feeds, and hurt subsides

So................................

heart divided she runs on the beach
ebbing and flowing with the tides of change

she builds castles in the sand, and dances with dolphins
she wave rides and summons the surf

she entertains Posiedon after a long courtship
her captain is gone, but the deity remains

life has loosened the Goddess
and she claims her true form


the sky, cerulean; the earth: underneath
night falls, dawn breaks



 

Redemption for Little Bear

when did the grown up man 
find his childhood scar and rip it open

so afraid to confront but to reveal the truth 
that hurt people hurt people

and instead of healing 
the sins of his father become his Alma matter 

and adult pride shadows humility 
and selfish desire is fuelled by anger and blame 

he drives away what is sacred 
and Love loses its hold amidst the rush of chaos 

when the grown up man 
forgets his inner child, his Little bear

he cant stand to face him
and reveal the truth of his own folly 

and his son, holds up the mirror 
begging for understanding and a rite of passage 

only to become the grown up man
initiated by his childhood scars

There is redemption for Little Bear  

WANTED

On a whim, processing the idea of 'to thine own self be true'...i am faced with the fact that indeed  holding true to my heart's intent  means that I am...


NOW AUDITIONING: for a modern day Jimmy Stewart...

Aside from integrity, and a little awkwardness; must move like Fred Astaire, possess the wit of Oscar Wilde, the charm of Errol Flynn and the rugged heroics of a Die Hard Bruce Willis. Must be adventurous, yet pragmatic, grounded and yet not afraid of cliff jumping...Must fear God and a woman's wrath. Must desire and cherish an imperfect, wonder-filled life. Please note, dear George, you will not be asked to lasso the moon...well, at least not without a co-pilot. Please see the Director

#CandyHeartRejects make lame #valentines

...so i owe thanks to this inspiration for this one from a twitterverse trend hashtag...hehe


#candyheartrejects are all the same 
they look so tasty but they are oh so lame 
one flavour, one note, it must bore you to death 
vanilla bean and bourbon are on my breath 

#candyheartrejects are good at parties 
they tango beside the dish of smarties 
i grew to appreciate truffles and wine.
to never accept what's less than sublime 

#candyheartrejects your time has come
you're a dumped dish of sugary scum
your cinnamon lips no longer tempt 
tHis healthy heart's kissing Cupid instead 

the Lady is working on patience

there is an invitation at the door 
In a scented envelope 
carefully scripted to you 

in the practice of courtship
my heart asserted not to enter
but to wait; so...

i gave it to the footman
to quietly deliver 
so as not to disturb you

...but i ran past him in haste
and gingerly, yet expectantly 
placed it there myself 

i don't even know if you dance
and i've never let anyone lead
so this is an invitation for adventure
and if grace or folly ensue it won't matter
as i have stood on the edge of the floor for too long 

seeing colours

in the space of the break
you are the light that filters in
and in the crush, your kaleidoscope
illuminates my heart again

the journey continues

the foundation erupted 

and swallowed me  

in the darkness, ever so slowly 

like Alice, falling down the rabbit hole 

so painfully slow, 

fear became a great curiosity  

subdued by the catalysts of discovery 

and Alice gets comfortable in her own skin

  

 

BC/AD along The Way

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” -T.S Elliot 

I have thought this passage and T.S makes me dizzy thinking of life as a cycle of beginnings and ends.

My heart is perceiving beginnings and endings differently. I see my soul's journey and destination as a linear life experience. Measured not of beginnings and ends , but rather of milestones, and experiences along a path that is continuously moving forward, step by step full of purpose and destination. Not with beginnings and endings. Rather, I am challenged to reflect on every milestone as having it's own 'BC' and 'AD' where I define myself or the response I have around that moment on the path of the journey. It's more like walking the reception line of life, shaking hands, kissing babies, stubbing toes, wiping tears...but always moving on, walking forward. It is a pilgrimage on a path with people and places and events measured in before's and after's.

Life has a new meaning in BC/AD -

I define it simply as before the catalyst and after the discovery along the way.

Can we dare ourselves to move along whether joyful or hurt? Can we compassionately observe and carry on our way? Can we define ourselves and grow in response to each BC/AD of each major milestone whether painful or joy filled?  Can we define those milestones as simply rest stops on the journey where we may wrestle with God for a while or simply appreciate the richness of the moment?

Dear Life, make me a disciple of this way. And, please, don't make it too lonely. My heart desires Love.

Perhaps Love weaves it's way in, for a time, when we connect with someone willing to share the journey and the milestones with us. Some will grow weary, some will stumble. Some will walk with us and some will  leave us on their own journey. Some will carry, some need to be carried, some will sprint up the mountain but wait for us at the next milestone, and some will sprint on.

But each moment at each stop along the way isn't a beginning or end; it's an experience that changes everything we knew and a discovery that changes everything we hope for next. In our human experience it often gets trapped as a memory and stifles us. If it is an experience, it enables us to observe, feel and discover as we continue the journey...and hopefully grow in our light.

This is my CAMINO TRAIL

I have discovered from the last milestone that I can change the pace and my perception so I don't miss Love when it merges on my path, won't lose the way when Love distracts and  wont fail from fatigue when Love needs to be carried. I will make my soul's pilgrimage count.